By Madison Robbins

Yeah, I want to know…just say it.  Tell me.  We fucked for the first time in the passenger seat of his Chevy…are you sure you wanna hear this?  Yeah, keep going.  I wanna know everything.  Okay, well, it was in the Walmart parking lot, over there on the right, you know, where the lights are burned out.  Anyway, I really do love him, I mean, you do, too, but it was like, for a minute, I couldn’t even feel the coolness of his ring against my hips when he guided me against him.  Should I stop now?  I feel like this is too much.  No, stop saying that.  I asked you.  I want to know.  Okay, well, I don’t know what else I should say.  When did it start?  You didn’t know?  I was in his class when I was a junior.  I mean, that’s how we met.  But we never like, did any of this, until after I graduated.  How soon after?  To be honest with you, it was the day after graduation.  He texted me and was telling me all this stuff about how he could barely concentrate with me in his class and all this, and at first I was like, what?  No.  But then, I mean, a while later, it just became more.  We clicked.  When was the first time you saw him?  After graduation, I mean. Uh, well, I saw him every time I visited from college, but just always a quick visit at the high school, so no big deal.  And then the summer after I graduated college he came to town and called me, and I was like, sure, I’ll come meet you.  So we went to dinner and had drinks and stuff, and we didn’t do anything, but like, I remember never feeling like that before in my whole life.  Like he held my hand and nobody had ever held my hand like that, and everyone we met he like, showed me off to them.  It was the happiest I’ve ever been…I felt like I had someone.  I mean, I know you don’t know me, but I’ve never like, had that before.  Ever.  I understand.  I’m sorry, I really am, I didn’t wanna tell you any of this, I just… No, don’t.  I wanted to know.  What are you gonna do?  I mean, you don’t have to tell me, I just, you know… Nothing.  Wait, nothing?  Nothing at all?  Are you gonna stop seeing him?  I mean, I could tell you yeah, but in all actuality, probably not.  We have a son at home, you know that, right?  He’s been my husband for twelve years.  And we share a child.  He’s two.  Do you realize that?  Yeah, I know.  And that doesn’t bother you?  That you’re fucking a married man with a wife and son at home waiting for him?  I’m fucking the only person I’ve ever found happiness with, actually. And well…  Well, what?  I’m pregnant. 

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MFA graduate student studying Fiction at Chatham University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

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